Listen to lots, and lots of Keane.
Write “Just Married” on your windows, attach some tin cans, saran wrap, and tissue paper to the back, and see how many people look over and wonder where your wife is.
Bonus points if you wear a tux all akimbo with tie undone and stuff, and do your best to look disgruntled.
or make your bride a blowup doll. that’d be perfect.
other than that…
audiobooks. podcasts. lotsa music, preferably mariachi.
my suggestion is to not run out of gas in texas. not fun at all.
You MUST listen to dave barnes’ Jackson right when you drive through there. Ol’ Miss ain’t much but that song has to make it better.
Audiobooks are GRRRRRReat for long rides. It’s like listening to a movie.
NPR.
make yourself familiar with pat green. you’ll need it in the lonestar state.
I’m not sure about making the ride better except don’t drive through Atlanta – no matter what Google maps says. Stop in Memphis, go to Graceland, and attempt your best U2 impression by crossing the ropes and hopping on his Harley.
play “you gotta take it” with passersby.
make sure to bring along lotsa ammo:
saffron rice
loaves of bread
paper balls
what is “you gotta take it”? does that mean you throw those things at cars passing by?
What route are you taking? 59 to I-20?
Ignore Alabama. Play music loud and be all excited about the road trip. Alabama blows by pretty quickly.
Don’t speed in Mississippi. You will get a ticket.
Meridian, Mississippi should be (roughly) your halfway point. Stop at the Cracker Barrel there and marvel at the oddity of a halfway point called “Meridian”.
Take note of the most ironic exit on earth, Goodwill Rd/Ammunition Dump, also look for Chunky and the Chunky River. All in Mississip.
Stop at the Mississippi River overlook. Watch some steamboats. Smell the air. It the last of the Eastern US air you’ll breathe for a while.
Take note of the amazing geological and ecological change when you cross the Mississippi River.
Stop at the first Louisiana rest stop. This is usually when the craziness of the I-20 haul sets in. Have a Coke, swelter in the humidity. Try not to freak out. Smell the scent of the midwestern air. Gamey.
Wear a cowboy hat and leather vest with tassles while crossing North Louisiana, it makes the humping action of the road fun instead of brain-meltingly irritating.
Don’t stop in Shreveport. You wont be able to get the stink out.
Rejoice as you finally enter Texas.
Despair as you realize that you still have about 200 miles to Dallas.
Stop at a truck stop in Texas. Pretend to be the Bandit. Get some pork rinds, mountain dew, and a package of these. Now you’re in the zone.
Rejoice as you see the Dallas County line.
Despair as it seems to take forever to actually get to Dallas proper.
Welcome to Dallas. You don’t realize it yet, but this is what you’ve been waiting on your entire life.
Excellent suggestions from Anthony.
for the love of god, hug anthony twice for me when you get there. then hug him however many times you want to for your own self.
then once more for me.
Seriously, Dallas is one of the most amazing cities I’ve ever been to in my life. I’m not the odd type of person that falls in love with inanimate stretches of highway, steel and cement, but Dallas and I have a “thing”. I fell in love with her the moment I got past that Mexican ghetto. Long live Tejas.
hire a chauffeur for the day (. . .and don’t tell him he’s driving you to texas.)
you gotta take it = yes, throwing things at people. only they get to throw it back.
About The Author
I'm a graphic designer and sometimes writer living in Anderson, South Carolina. I serve as the Design Director for NewSpring Church. I love Jesus, my wife, Levi's Jeans, good Tex-Mex, and 8oz glass bottle Coca-Cola Classic. On good days I love them roughly in that order. Email me.
Road Trip Suggestions
Fri 07/28/06
I have approximately 800 miles to drive on Sunday and Monday. What suggestions do you have to help me pass the time during this epic U-Haul pulling trek to the grand state of Texas?