Five Hypothetical Colors I Would Pitch to Crayola, If Given the Chance

Fri 02/09/07

1. Crusty Carolina Clay
2. Open Sea Nausea
3. The Truth
4. 5 O’Clock Shadow
5. Chicken Shit Yellow

17 Comments

  1. send your list to McSweeney’s post-haste.

    You inspired me:

    1. Metrosexual pink
    2. 70′s Shag Carpet Green/Brown (yes, a heterogeneous mix)
    3. Blood of The Innocent Red
    4. Smug
    5. Farts

  2. 1. Asbestos
    2. Flannel Plaid
    3. Placenta Pink
    4. Rattlesnake Chili
    5. Interracial Date

  3. 5. Interracial Date

    Greatness.

  4. 5. Chicken Shit Yellow

    Both nauseating and inspiring. I’d like to see it. =)

  5. Oooh, this is fun.

    1. Black Hearted Soul
    2. Nobody Calls Me Yellow
    3. Glasgow Sky *
    4. One Beer Too Many
    5. Neon

    * This would be a dull grey.

  6. [...] A good post from Joshua, got me thinking about which colours I’d like Crayola to produce: [...]

  7. >Love
    >Wet Noodle
    >Rock N Roll
    >Cow Tipping
    >Vegas
    >1985

  8. While not nearly as creative, here are mine:

    1. Embarrassment Red
    2. Amish Folk Gray
    3. Old Fluorescent Tube Pink
    4. Toxic Snow Orange
    5. Pea Soup, or “The Exorcist,” Green

  9. 1. Nicotene Fingernail yellow
    2. I-just-dug-up-a-possibly-human-bone-in-my-back-yard Brown
    3. Fistfight Red
    4. Hypothermia white
    5. Brutal Honesty

    @ Charlie: “Rattlesnake Chili”. . . Well played.

  10. Jamie

    I love the mental picture of many of these colors. “Cow Tipping” produces this blend of black and white/holstein blur in a falling motion. Priceless.

    Favorites have got to be – “Nobody Calls Me Yellow”, “Cow Tipping”, and Nicotene Fingernail Yellow”.

    Let’s throw in:

    Coffee Stain
    Allergy Rash
    Parachute didn’t open
    Skid Mark
    I can’t believe it’s not Orange

  11. ok, I’m in….

    1. Broccoli Monster
    2. Hammered Thumb
    3. Clown Smack
    4. Liver
    5. Who Put The Ex-Lax In The Brownies!?!

    Props to Parachute Didn’t Open, Brutal Honesty, Farts, & 1985.

  12. blaine

    Collagen
    John Larrouquette
    Impetigo
    Wrestler’s Knee
    Your Mom

  13. Crusty Carolina Clay

  14. I meant to say that Crusty Carolina Clay was the color of my clothes at the end of every summer day between the ages of 3 and 13.

  15. 1. Nuclear Holocaust
    2. Ming Dynasty
    3. Unprotected Sex
    4. Jay Leno’s Mullet
    5. Whore House
    6. Bloodbath & Bleach
    7. DNA Evidence
    8. Spinal Tap Drummer
    9. Horseface Butcher
    10. David Caruso’s Career
    11. Lunch Dump
    12. Racist Southern Baptist
    13. Pontiac Grand-Am

  16. What is lunch dump? It sounds fantastic.

  17. Special Limited Multi-Colors (“!!!”)
    5 E.R.
    4 Boys ‘n’ Girlz
    3 Spy Vs. Spy (Rejected: Jungle Fever, Life/Death)
    2 Peas & Carrots
    *drum roll*
    1 Irony (“Is it Red, White, & Blue, or Blue, White, and Red?!”)

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