Follow Through

I have an issue with follow through. It’s a shame I wasn’t born a passive, goal-less human. If that were the case, my lack of follow through wouldn’t bother me and I could simply enjoy a blissfully ignorant pointless life on into my 30’s eating Cheetos in my parent’s basement, playing video games, and working at Blockbuster for free rentals. That simply won’t do, though. I have to change the world. EVERYDAY I have to change the world. 

Problem is, my dreams are too big for me. This is a good thing. It forces me to look outside me to find help. However, whatever that part of the brain is that connects the everydayness with the big dreams is disconnected in me. Chalk it up to whatever you want, but I struggle because I can see the big picture (as much as my limited view of “big” is) but i’m seemingly unable to get from point A to Point B. I’m not doing the work, i’m not baby steppin’. But I want, I want, I need, I need.

This plays out in all manner of situations and relationships, some big and some small, but deceptively important. I leave things undone, my “Yes” sometimes means “Yes” and sometimes means “Yes, I acknowledge that you are in the same room as me, but I have chosen to selectively filter everything you just said into a dark recess of my mind that will only come out in therapy… when i’m 50.” I become a senior citizen and an avalanche of undone to-do lists items will haunt me.

All that to say… i’m working on it. My friends have been encouraging, and i’ve enlisted a few of them in varying roles of holding me accountable and helping me get more organized. Hopefully this is going to decrease the amount of things that get lost in piles of paper and promises I make in passing. Step 1 was to rearrange my office to reflect my newfound sense of “I MUST GET THINGS DONE.” A small thing, yes. But important nonetheless. Step 2… yesterday I finally gave the girls their prize for winning the Public Goatee Humiliation contest (from JULY)… a set of 36 prints.

I want to be a man of my word. I want to communicate to people (with my actions) that they are important to me. I want to have a reputation for being a dependable man of integrity. Slow and steady.