Dear FedEx,

Your math sucks. Apologies for the harshness, but really… let’s examine the facts, extrapolated from the email that YOU SENT ME.

My eagerly-awaited G5 was ordered from Apple on Wednesday. It was picked up in Rancho Cordova, CA at 9:48pm on Thursday, April 28 to be shipped under the 2Day Service. For some odd reason, it did not leave Rancho Cordova, CA until 10:08pm on Friday, April 29th. Weekends, as I was told by the surly, unhelpful, indignant “Service Representative” (who represented something, but it was not service) actually “don’t count”, so, despite the fact that they do move packages on the weekend, we’ll move on. My lonely G5 then exited the grand state of Cali via Oakland at 6:45am on Saturday, April 30th and arrived in Indianapolis, IN at 12:55pm. It sat in Indiana unappreciated, cold, and scared until 9:16am on Sunday, May 1. At some point afterwards, it made its way to Greer, SC by 8:03pm. Yes. G5 is in SC… less than an hour from my house. Waiting. They assure me it will be delivered by 4:30pm tomorrow.

Let’s recap. The package was in FedEx’s hands on Thursday, April 29th. Weekends don’t count. So that’s Thursday plus Friday minus Saturday and Sunday plus Monday plus Tuesday (by 4:30pm) equals FedEx’s amazing 2Day Service.

No Love,Shua

P.S. My Cinema Display was ordered the same day, shipped via UPS, and was sitting in my house on Friday after lunch. Guess who gets my business from now on?