This Side Of Dreams

I’ve been almost overwhelmed by the amount of seemingly sudden work requests i’ve been getting through HRTWRK. It’s a good thing; a great thing, really. And I know it’s not sudden. I’m more so reaping the benefits of that odd combination of relentless networking, hard work, shameless self-promotion, and divine intervention.

This culminated in an email yesterday from a firm I had talked with about doing some freelance for. There is really only one organization that i’ve always said, “I want to do work for them.” So when I found out that this particular firm had picked them up as a new client, I went into relentless networking mode. Within three days of introducing myself, I was asked to estimate a hefty-sized print project for them. I hope I get the job, and if I do, it will consume much of the rest of the month of August. And I will love every second of it.

And I wonder, is it really this easy? Granted, it’s NOT easy… it’s hard work. But still, sometimes it almost feels like cheating. Wanting something, taking the proper steps to put yourself in the position to get it, and then waiting for it to happen. That intersection of working long hours while still completely depending on God to provide and make way for those things to happen is a wonderful kind of tension to live in. When I don’t work hard, I not only feel useless, but I begin to let resentment settle in my heart because I feel like God’s not holding up His end of the deal. Now, in the light of the day, I know that’s completely false and self-centered. But in the moment, it’s often difficult to have proper perspective. 

And so i’m learning to LOVE working hard. Being relentless. Trying to change my corner of the world, no matter how slightly. It changes your worldview. I don’t get scared because i’m in over my head and I don’t know what i’m doing or i’m unsure of how to estimate projects correctly. I just try to be honest with people and do good work and TRUST that this is all happening as it should. 

But I admit, it feels so strange to be living and working in the middle of dreams I had three and four years ago, if not longer. I like it. I’m just almost to the point of wondering when I have to wake up and return to normal life.