Dear Lee McDerment,

Congratulations on purchasing your first home. You’re movin’ on up. I am happy for you. I am also happy for me. As a starving artist and friend of the new homeowner, I am more than glad to make the acquaintance of your humble home, add to it my grace and charm, and pay you a pittance of rent to reap the benefit of your pseudo-grown-up-ness. 

We will soon wave a fond, albeit quick, farewell to The 220, weird neighbors, rampant carnies just down the road at the fairgrounds, 18 wheelers speeding by a mere 20 feet from my bedroom windows, routine police deployment in our neighborhood, non-functioning AC units, the canyon that passes itself off as our driveway, doors with no doorknobs, and 1000 memories of laughing much too hard to ever consider ourselves adults.

And on a serious note, i’m proud of you. It’s tough being awesome, but someone has to do it, and it might as well be you.

Now with 99% more suburbs,