Dwayne vs. [Cable Company]

This conversation occurred between my coworker Dwayne and a service representative of [Cable Company] via their online live chat last week.

Cable Rep: Thank you for choosing [Cable Company] My name is [Cable Rep] It will take me a moment to bring up your address.

Dwayne: ok

Cable Rep: I am sorry, after searching for your home, I have found that your address is currently not serviceable according to our database. In order to process your request, please visit one of our local offices or payment centers to have to have a request submitted for serviceablity.

Cable Rep: Do you have any more questions that I can help you with today?

Dwayne: my home is not serviceable?
Dwayne: all my neighbors have [Cable Company]…..

Cable Rep: That is correct.

Dwayne: so why would mine not be serviceable?

Cable Rep: If you go to the local office with your title or lease, they can put in a request for serviceavility
Cable Rep: I am not sure.
Cable Rep: Do you have any more questions that I can help you with today?

Dwayne: is it because i’m a renter?
Dwayne: the thing i just read said its fine as long as i bring the documentation from the landlord

Cable Rep: No that would not be the case at all.
Cable Rep: Is there anything else I can do for you?

Dwayne: yeah… sign me up for cable and internet

Cable Rep: Well as I stated before I cannot.

Cable Rep: You can go to the local office and brig in your lease,
Cable Rep: And we send a serviceability request.
Cable Rep: Do you have any more questions that I can help you with today?
Cable Rep: Can you please acknowledge that you are still at your computer? If I do not receive a response from you, I may have to close this conversation to assist another customer.

Dwayne: why don’t you want to sell me a service and make money for your company?!
Dwayne: it’s cable, not rocket science… there’s no reason my address would not be serviceable

Cable Rep: I would love to set you up with service. But if the address says non-serviceable . I cannot. You can go down to the local office and have a serviceability request set out.

Dwayne: unacceptable!

Cable Rep: I know it is not rocket science. Do you you have any other questions?
Cable Rep: Is there anything else I can do for you?

Dwayne: unacceptable! give me cable
Dwayne: i want my MTV!

Cable Rep: I have explained that you have to go to the local office.

Dwayne: yes you have, but that is unacceptable… 

Cable Rep: I cannot give you cable at this time. I know that this is frustrating but I have given you direction on how to go about getting service.
Cable Rep: Do you have any other issues?

Dwayne: no (at this point, Dwayne is prepared to give up… but nooooooo…)

Cable Rep: I am sorry you feel this is unacceptable. If your house was serviceable at this time. I would be making your order. And setting up an installation date.
Cable Rep: Do you have any more questions that I can help you with today?

Dwayne: i’ll let you go tell somebody else that they can’t buy your service

Cable Rep: If their house is serviceable we can set them up online.
Cable Rep: You just need to go to the local office.

Dwayne: it’s like those commercials… where they’re in the cubicles with david spade and they’re always saying “NO!”

Cable Rep: I love that commercial

Dwayne: i bet you do….

Cable Rep: Analyst has closed chat and left the room