Dear Thief/Thieves/Idiot/Idiots,

Who steals car stereos anymore?

While I’m certain we can agree that the movies have lied to us and there is quite literally no honor among thieves, I think I’m slowly beginning to realize that there is very little intelligence among thieves as well. After all, it wasn’t enough that you decided that my vehicle, out of the 25 or so vehicles in our lot, should be the target of your little midnight b&e, but you just HAD to actually break something, didn’t you? Do you know how much a replacement automatic window costs? I will find out soon, so thank you.

If you were perhaps intelligent enough to walk around the vehicle, you might have noticed that the driver’s side window was halfway down anyway. OR, you could have tried any of the door handles and realized that the back tailgate is sans functioning lock and has been since the day I bought the vehicle. I wonder what the thought process was in your head as you approached the SUV? 

“I say, good fellow, I should probably check to see if this fine piece of machinery has any unlocked doors or partially open windows and AAAAARGGHHH MMMMMRRRRR HULK SMASH. SMASH, SMASH, SMASH.”

You could have just walked up to my apartment, politely knocked on the door and said “hey, I’m going to break into your vehicle and steal your stereo in a bit” and I would have said, “well, if you must, but let me make it easy on you, the driver’s side window doesn’t stay up very well, so you can just breath on it hard and it will probably fall down.” That would have saved me the headache of waking up to broken glass and the financial pain of having to get the window fixed now. Oh, and the steering wheel column, too… which doesn’t seem to want to give me back my key now. You tried to steal the whole car didn’t you? YOU DID. Silly, thief.

Why does my car have to be thief hot-wiring 101? And why do I have to get the dumb kid?

Sufficiently vexed,